February 2012
24 posts
4 tags
The Get Rich or Die Trying Generation
Editor Note: Decided to get on a soap box today. Will be in a better mood tomorrow.
Word up blood, word up gangsta
The media loves labels and have called American people in my age range generation X. and the people younger than me are generation Y. To me, these two combined generations are the get rich or die trying generation.
The reason I say this is because you have to be rich to...
11 tags
Excuse Me While I Throw a Cab at Your Face!
Editors Note: I would imagine that this post will not be interesting to most ladies, so I include this link which is a page filled with Ryan Gosling from his Micky Mouse Club days to the present.
Thank you for reading ladies.
Clowns have guns.
When I was in college I had a friend who had a PS2 and one video game for that system. That game was “Twisted Metal Black”. For those...
Sick Day
Being sick sucks and taking care of sick people also sucks. It was that kind of day. There is nothing better than being sick on a Friday so you can look at your weekend and hope that you will feel better.
This is my minimal I have been sick post of the day. Let’s hope Saturday is better than today.
3 tags
The Gym - Bally's Sucks
I am that guy in green. I am gross.
In 2006 I came to the awful realization that if I continued to have the fun I was having living my life the way that I had been living, I would die. It was a cruel conclusion to come to but I finally had a regular job and wasn’t miserably poor.
Also, my metabolism was kicking in.
My belly is not as hairy as the stock footage guy.
Then I decided...
30 tags
Bobby's World: Oscar Weekend
Once again I am handing over my blog to my dear friend Bobby LaCienega to talk about his Los Angeles life. For those that don’t know Bobby, he tends to say awful things and his morally corrupted southern California soul is found by most people to be offensive. You have been warned.
It is finally Oscar week and I have to tell you, I have never been more excited for my after awards season...
12 tags
Zombie Ants, Mind Control Fungus and Republicans!
Above is ant with a fungus growing in it’s brain that is found in the Brazilian rain forest. After being away for four days with my visiting mother, this was the first image I saw to welcome me back to my work week (special thanks to the Drew Magary Twitter feed). Here is your ghastly description of what this fungus does to the ants:
“The fungus species can infect an ant, take...
papawhorecat: Ep. 13 - Her Ears Smell Like Clam →
papawhorecat:
Presidents Day is just around the corner, and you know what that means: It’s time for a new papwhorecat! Our latest adventure marks the triumphant return of Stitch! (And also Igor Hiller, our first invited guest to make a second appearance.) Join us as we discuss Valentine’s Days past and future…
4 tags
Bobby's World: The Tease
(Once again I am handing over my blog to my dear friend Bobby LaCienega to talk about his Los Angeles life. For those that don’t know Bobby, he tends to say awful things and his morally corrupted southern California soul is found by most people to be offensive. You have been warned.)
I am currently in a spa at the Beverly Hilton with cucumbers on my eyes in a big white robe. The steam is...
3 tags
Valentines Day
Could there be a more annoying Valentine’s Day image?
I normally despise Valentines Day. It was a cloud of annoyance when I was single and, after taking an unscientific poll of other similarly positioned people, it still sucks to be single on Valentines Day.
Shocking right?
Now, it needs to be said that I am having an amazing Valentines day. Meg bought me a desk and chair for my...
1 tag
Office Fiction - Part 2 Hitting Golf Balls
Short story Monday! If you want to see part 1, it is here.
Whack!
The Stud next to Mr. McGuire was hitting the ball somewhere around 280 yards on each swing. His form was perfect and each movement was like a slow motion sex scene from a bad 80’s movie. Perfect build perfect tone. His clubs were new and you could tell they had just been bought for him.
Mr. McGuire smoked his cigar...
6 tags
The Vow
Oh man, this fucking movie.
On Friday, Meg said something to me that I thought I never would hear.
“Let’s fill up the flasks, get drinks beforehand and go see “The Vow”.
Now I had seen the trailer for this movie and it made my eyes cry tears of vomit. I find Channing Tatum to have the personality of GI Joe doll and I find Rachel McAdams to be….neat.
My...
30 tags
My IPod Mocks Me
I only listen to my IPOD on shuffle when I am driving. The reason I do this is because if I try to play DJ for myself, I will probably run over a baby or something. I am constantly amazed by my IPOD’s sense of humor. It says things like “Oh Nat’s on a first date, guess it’s time to play Geto Boys “Mind of a Lunatic” or decides “Nat’s in a great...
3 tags
I am Not a Good Person on IM
I have spent my life trying to be good to people and being non-confrontational. This generally has worked out well for me and most people would say I am a good friend. Then they ask the question that changes everything: Do you have IM?
From there new questions start coming up. I hear, “Why are you being a dick?” and “Call me after work :(” and “No I do not ever...
6 tags
Bobby's World: Have You Seen My Car?
(Once again I am handing over my blog to my dear friend Bobby LaCienega to talk about his Los Angeles life. For those that don’t know Bobby, he tends to say awful things and his morally corrupted southern California soul is found by most people to be offensive. You have been warned.)
You don’t have to ask if this post is aimed at you. It totally is.
If you were my friend, there...
7 tags
These Kids Are Dying So You Can Be a Bigot!
One of my readers asked that I do a piece about this article. Please see below:
Today, part of Prop 8 was repealed. This means that at least another case was won that will eventually send gay marriage to the Supreme Court. Upon arrival, it will meet a rather conservative court that will get to define what a marriage is to Americans.
Chances are very good that they will fuck it up.
Scallia,...
5 tags
Under Thinking It
I did not mean to disappear. It was the friends, Super Bowl Party’s, hiking and general weekend out and aboutness (new word!) that kept me from doing it. Also, since I have done a good job documenting it, I did drunkenly end up making a prop bet for the Giants -7.5 which I, obviously, lost.
What has 2 thumbs, $50 less dollars and a knack for making bad bets this season?
Me!
So I...
5 tags
Super Bowl and The Pot "Cocoon" Connection
Sunday is the Super Bowl and after much talking with Meg I have decided not to bet the game! Why, you ask, have I finally decided to stop taking my money and burning it?!?! It is obviously because I have matured and realize that I can enjoy a game without having a wager on it.
…..
Okay, that’s bullshit.
I decided not to because whatever I bet I will lose. The 2011-2012 football...
2 tags
Ground Hog Day
I woke up, saw my shadow and ran the fuck back in my hole today.
Seriously, the ground hog can be such a little bitch. Do you think it is really scared of it’s shadows or the fact that it comes out to a thousand of drunk people from Pennsylvania who look like Andy Reid?
Andy Reid kind of looks like a ground hog pretending to be a white person. Anyway, it is this fear that caused...
papawhorecat: Ep. 11 - No More Fucking Those... →
papawhorecat:
I did a podcast with Jacob Brown, Mike Holley, and Wes Sherman. It was a lot of fun and it only takes me about 3 minutes in to tell a story that shames me. Enjoy!
We say papa you say whorecat: papa… papa… Oh, you’re not gonna play along? Fine, we’ll just get right to it. We’ve got a snazzy little episode right here that we think you are really gonna love. Especially if you love...
Bobby's World: Health Tips
(Once again I am handing over my blog to my dear friend Bobby LaCienega to talk about his Los Angeles life. For those that don’t know Bobby, he tends to say awful things and his morally corrupted southern California soul is found by most people to be offensive. You have been warned.)
Everyone in America needs to stop eating. I was reading this report about on some blog that I...
12 tags
The Truth About Sloth From Goonies
Sloth during happier times.
It’s important for everyone to know that yesterday Sloth from “Goonies” left this earth and went to the big Baby Ruth in the sky. Now I know many of you think “How can he die? He is just a fictional character” or you’re thinking “My favorite actor John Matuszak died, FUCK!!!”
Well, if that’s what you’re...
January 2012
22 posts
5 tags
Prop Bets - Superbowl Party Edition
My office is filled with degenerate gamblers and we are less than one week away from the Super Bowl. People are abuzz with how they can gamble away their money.
Office squares were sold a week ago. I bought three. This is not an example of our office sheet but an illustration so those that are not degenerates can see what it looks like. If you need further explaining repost and ask me....
4 tags
Indecent Proposals
Today I am going to give you examples of bad ways to propose to your girlfriend. Enjoy!
1. Get down on one knee then say, “Baby, before I met you, I was like a space factory worker sent by our corporation to go and explore an SOS signal. While exploring the wreck of an alien spacecraft that is my life, I find a bunch of eggs. Suddenly, one of the eggs opens and you pop out, bust...
12 tags
Go Play Your Video Games
When I talk to my doctor father about video games he always says the same thing “I am so glad they weren’t around when I was a kid”. He says if they were around when he was a kid, he would have lost month to the distraction.
He learned it from watching me. Now, I am a video game elder. I really shouldn’t be looking for hidden packages all over a graphic landscape in...
3 tags
Lunch in Beverly Hills
(This is part of my depressing Friday series trapped in Beverly Hills. Hopefully it will be part 1 of 1. Sorry.)
Outside of my building there is a guy who pan handles every day. If the weather is good (which is most of the time), he stands with a sign at the end of the driveway to the back entrance of our building. Everyday he wears old person sun glasses that have the thick rims that...
10 tags
We Need to Talk About We Need to Talk About Kevin
Is there any chance that anyone reading this doesn’t have kids and is also scared to have kids? If you have this phobia then go see “We Need to Talk About Kevin” and it may convince you to tie your tubes in knots.
Look, I someday would like to have children and if Kevin ends up being my kid, he is going to whatever boarding school I can send him to. Tilda Swinton is amazing in...
7 tags
Bobby's World: Bobby's Origin and Sundance
(Keeping this daily blog is tiring. I have decided to have some guest bloggers post on my site. Today, I introduce you to my friend Bobby LaCienega. He is, well, he is what he is. Enjoy.)
Hello my name is Bobby. Bobby LaCienega.
It needs to be said that my blog posts are only for real Americans. The Americans that live between the Hollywood Hills and the 10 Freeway anywhere west of Vine...
9 tags
Let's Talk About Being Boiled Alive Today
Let’s say you were captured by some sort of cut rate comic book villain who was interrogating you and making you give up some important piece of information. You have the rope tied around you and you are dangling while they pry you for information. Let’s say you’re Tom Cruise and they are trying to admit that you love to bang dudes. You’re not going to tell them about...
6 tags
NWA POOL PARTY!!!
Today it is raining in LA. That means that everyone around me is complaining about the wet and the cold and how the weather is horrible.
It is the epitome of overreacting. It usually rains for no more that two consecutive days and then is clear for weeks. The only reason why people freak out is because it is southern California and it is not supposed to rain here.
See, people even write...
3 tags
Playoff Hater - Ravens Edition
Watching football today, so this post will be quick.
I really enjoyed watching the Ravens lose today. I mean seriously - steal a team, win a super bowl and take the Browns hall of fame tight end to be your amazing GM.
You guys can go fuck yourselves. I watched that ESPN documentary about the Baltimore marching band that was so upset when the Colts left that they just kept playing and...
10 tags
Follow the Leader
Today, Meg and I went hiking up Bronson canyon. Normally, we would go to either Runyon or Griffith Park but this weekend we thought we would mix it up. Also, I have been playing the Batman: Arkham City game on PS3 lately and my detective skills are at full blast right now. The only way to test these skills is to go to a crime scene and currently, the best chance of finding someones mangled...
4 tags
Hey Love
Today is Friday, thank god, but I am having a hard time enjoying it. I try not be a sentimental romantic and I promise I will not post shit like this all the time but sometimes you gotta be a sappy dousche. Here are numerous examples of that throughout cinema history.
Now for me, being romantic is hard. I would rather make fun of Tim Tebow, kill an assistant or tell you why Friday the 13th X...
1 tag
Office Fiction - A short story
Decided to do a short story today.
I was sitting at my desk, ignoring the world around me, laughing at Gawker when my boss Mr. McGuire called me into his office. He sits behind a big wooden desk that makes him feel like a king on his throne. The windows behind him face the parking lot of our Torrance shopping center. It is a kingdom of cement, Nissans and yellow poles.
I walked in with a...
5 tags
SOPA - Ranting and Raving about the Government
I took a personal day yesterday from the blog. It was very personal. You didn’t notice? :(
Everyone keeps talking about SOPA. There is no Wikipedia today which was a major inconvenience for me when I tried to find out what Ohio town the lead guy from “How I Met Your Mother” was from.
I think Harry Knowles said it best today on Ain’t It Cool News when he said...
3 tags
Happy Martin Luther King Day
Did you know Arizona was the last state to make MLK day a holiday? Arizona is retarded. Let’s see what Chuck D and Public Enemy had to say about it in 1991.
Killing the governor? Flavor Flav before he sold his soul! The S1W’s!!!
PE forever.
Happy MLK day! I am gonna go not work!
9 tags
An open letter to my gambling buddies
(To everyone who is reading this not named Ethan of Jon I must give a brief explanation of why this post must be posted. Over the course of this weekend, I, along with two of my dear friends, watched our dreams of winning $3,300 turn to shit as teams we needed to win lost (I am looking at you Saints defense) and the Giants won. These wins and losses cost Ethan, John and I any chance of...
2 tags
Fun Crap
Currently watching football so this will be brief!
I saw A Serbian Film last night. It is an inspiring movie about childcare and the joy of being a Serb. My girlfriend Meg almost threw up. It was one of those movies that make you want to take your eyeballs out of your skull and wash the images off of your retinas.
If you are a sick movie bastard like myself, you search out these movies to...
3 tags
Grab Your Hockey Masks! It's Friday the 13th
OMG it’s Friday the 13th!!! The black cat of calendar days. I think today would be a great day for some R&R. Maybe some camping. I am going to buy some mushrooms and beer and get my dumb blonde chick girlfriend with tube socks, blonde hair and a morally casual attitude to go down to camp crystal lake! Me and my buddies at the old camp.
Sounds like so much fun! Too bad that stupid...
7 tags
Tim Tebow and Divine Intervention
Jules: This was Divine Intervention! You know what “divine intervention” is?
Vincent: Yeah, I think so. That means God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.
Jules: Yeah, man, that’s what it means. That’s exactly what it means! God came down from Heaven and stopped the bullets.
Vincent: I think we should be going now.
Jules: Don’t do that!...
What I Watched Last Night
Isn’t it fucking lame that everyone is a wannabe critic online and thinks that their opinion is so valuable that you must read about what they watched and what they thought of it?
Especially when the so call critic DVRED the fucker and are a few days late in reviewing it?
Well, tough shit. I will keep you abreast of my viewing habits and you can keep me abreast of your….breast.
...
2 tags
I think that being a stalker would be kinda...
Look, many of you would see this title and think that I am saying it in jest but in someways I think being a stalker could be a great way to help improve someones life.
I mean most stalkers, when they aren’t stealing your underwear to make a hammock or stocking up bulk quantities of duct tape and soiled mattresses, are like guardian angels. They are people who sit on your shoulder and...
3 tags
Hello Everyone!
I have decided to enter the realm of posting my thoughts and ideas online. Chances are, it is going to end as badly as this.
In this blog, I will talk about the stupid things I see, the stupid things I hear, and all the other stupid parts of my life. Clearly, my posts will be philosophical and high brow.
I plan to discuss great literature, Cleveland sports, and the importance of fart jokes.
...